10 questions you wish somebody would ask Sachin

There is only one thing more boring than a Sachin Tendulkar interview, and that is a self-proclaimed Sachin fan ‘defending’ the man from the 0.00001% of the media that dares to criticise him.

The past week has seen newspapers excreting massive interviews with the selfish gene-cum-genius. And the general format remains the same as always: cleverly flattering questions followed by seriously vapid answers.

Since I am in the enviable position of never having to call Sachin for a quote ever again, and never having to ingratiate myself with the numerous cockroaches that survive on the branded crumbs that drop off his table, I would like to share a list of 10 questions that I have waited for somebody to ask him, in vain. If anybody can get him to answer these questions, I hereby publicly undertake to buy anybody a drink.

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So Sachin, here are my 10 questions:
1. In 1999-2000, Indian cricket was rocked by the match-fixing scandal. You were a key member of the team that was captained by Mohammed Azharuddin, and Ajay Jadeja was your teammate. But you didn’t say a word. When asked why you remained silent, you said: “The only reason I did not speak about it is that I didn’t know anything about it. I would have given a statement if I knew something.” So are you lying, or are you being a cretin when you say that you had no clue about match-fixing going on?

2. The whole world knows that you (and subsequently MS Dhoni) are the reason the BCCI has been stonewalling the ICC’s move to make DRS (Decision Referral System) mandatory in all international fixtures. What exactly do you have against the DRS? Is it that, without technology, the benefit of the doubt (especially on LBWs) goes to the batsman, and you, knowing that there will be far more LBWs with DRS than without, don’t want technology messing with your averages and milestone-hunting?

3. You are richer than anybody can ever want to be. Why then are you forever, and shamelessly, asking or accepting favours from the government? Be it having to change the law (Customs Act) so you don’t have to pay duty on an obscenely expensive luxury vehicle, or petitioning the government to relax the FSI regulations for your bungalow in Bandra, why can’t you just graciously accept the rules that apply to everyone else instead of cashing in on your celebrity status to seek favours?

4. For most, nay, all, of your adult life, you have been a very influential person, with access to the highest corridors of power. Yet, not once in your life have you ever taken a stand on any issue — not even on sporting ones. Do you then seriously expect to make a meaningful contribution to any of the debates in the Rajya Sabha? If not, why did you agree to become a Rajya Sabha MP?

5. And having become a Rajya Sabha MP, you say ‘cricket comes first?!!’ What were you thinking? That being a Member of Parliament is a nice hobby or what?

6. Why is your captaincy record so abysmal? If your cricketing intelligence is so great, and if you are a thorough professional, and if you are a nice guy, how can you not be even an average captain, like, say, Anil Kumble was? You’ve got to have something that the other guys don’t have for you to be such an extraordinarily poor captain. What could this be? You ever think about that?

7. Against Bangladesh in the Asia Cup this year, you crawled to your 100th hundred (114 in 147 balls on a flat track against a bovinely gentle attack) at 4.5 runs an over, and actually slowed down in the slog overs when the team’s interests dictated that you score faster. And it was because of your milestone obsession that we lost the match to Bangladesh, which cost us a place in the final. This is not a one-off incident, but the culminating irony of a long career marked by the relentless deployment of individual talent for individual glory, though last I checked, cricket was a team game. Now that you’ve got every record in the book, will you, at least in the last remaining matches of your career, either stop playing for records, or stop paying lip service to how you are a team player — because it’s too brazenly hypocritical to do both?

8. Why is it that when the chips are down, and India is chasing, you never (save the Sharjah hundreds way back in 1998 on a flat track) ever take India home? Don’t say, ‘check the records’ — because the records tell me very clearly that you’ve never single-handedly (like Dravid did in Adelaide or Laxman did while batting with a number 11 to take India home against the Aussies) taken India past the finishing line in your 22-plus years of international cricket. And what kills me is that you had the ability to do exactly that — if Yuvraj could, Laxman could, and Dravid could, so could you. But you never did. You just cannot bat for the team under pressure, is that it? Or is it that you never cared for the team as much as you claim to?

9. I’ve been pondering this one for ages. How did you become such a boring person — open your mouth and everyone goes to sleep?

10. This is an easy one. Do you like journalists who suck up to you?

G Sampath is an independent writer based in Delhi sampath4office@gmail.com inbox@dnaindia.net

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13 Comments
  1. sputnik 9 years ago

    This is just a stupid hater article. Let me try to answer some of these.

    1) After the match fixing scandal broke Anshuman Gaekwad, who was the coach of the Indian team in Sri Lanka said that he got information that some players in the team are going to deliberately lose the match. Sachin told him he will win the match and that he did by scoring a century. When Sachin became captain he did not take Azhar and Jadeja to Australia. At that time I thought Sachin had some personal issues with Azhar and Jadeja but we now know the reason. And just because one has doubts they cannot go public with allegations without any proof.

    The author says that Sachin is against DRS in question No 2 and then says Sachin never takes a stand against anything in question No 4. Aren’t these two points contradictory.

    Sachin did take a stand when he said Mumbai belongs to all Indians for which he received flak from Bal Thackeray. To me that is the greatest thing he did – more than winning any stupid cricket match.

    In question 6 he says why was he such a bad captain? Javed Miandad was known to be a tactical genius – the brain behind Imran – but he never became a successful captain. When Azhar was captain he used to always go to Sachin first for all decisions. Sachin’s strike rate became less attacking when he was the captain because he had to play with responsibility. When someone else was the captain he was at his attacking best and won matches for India.

    In question 7 he says Cricket is a team game and in question 8 he says Sachin did not win any match single handedly. So what is it – a team game or one where one person wins it single handedly.

    He conveniently dismisses off Sharjah wins as flat batting track – the same flat batting track where everyone from his team failed except him. The 134 is one of the greatest one day innings ever. Whats great about that innings that he did not stop at qualifying for final. He actually tried to win that match.

    9th and 10th questions are ridiculous. Who cares if Sachin is boring while speaking (does the author want to date Sachin?). He is a cricketer and he has entertained Indian audiences with his cricket for more than 20 years.

    • Baba Ji 9 years ago

      sputnik :

      1) During the monkey incident of bhajji in Aus tour,first sachin had denied everything saying he didn’t hear anything.Later after several meetings ,he said he heard symonds calling bhajji some racist abuse.This is what the author meant when he says sachin doesnt take a stand.

      His 3,4,5th points are totally fine.

      6) I agree that some ppl just cannot be leaders and sachin happens to be one of them.

      7) This is where the article nails the ultimate truth of sachins career and the major reason why i posted this piece .Cricket is a team game and hell you need to play for the team then,not for individual records.How often have we seen sachin playing a painstaking knock for records and especially oncewhen he reaches 90s and how he throws away his wicket as soon as he reaches 100.These observations are slightly more than obvious!

    • stewie griffin 9 years ago

      ok by ur logic when india chased 300 + against england and sachin took them over the line viru had contributed a quickfire 80+ runs….so viru’s innings wasn’t matchwinnng too?

      baba u have always been a cherry picker when it comes to stats of sachin..or did u forget those match winning knocks in australia one day finals which got india and dhoni their first series win in odi in australia..
      did u forget his contributions in drawn series in south africa where ur dravid could hardly do shit…did u criticise dravids intentions then? or dravids innings of 40 something in the one day match in sri lanka when he was not out n couldn’t take india to victory…by the way the target was around 240 something…
      or are u one of those armchair critics who blamed sachin for drawing the world cup match against england even after he had scored a wonderful century saying sachin scoring a century is unlucky

      and how many matchwinning innings have laxman or dravid actually played…count and list here please…the one where vvs got the praise in south africa for steering india home…do u know who had sored a century in the first innings that made it at all possible…it was sachin..why do u only list one or two incidents of dravid and laxman winning matches single handedly..even lara’s match winning knocks could be counted in one hand…but all u talk about is laxman’s 240 something against aus..ditto for dravid ..

      when dravid was the highest scorer in england series..how come u not blame him for playing only for personal milestones…the team lost ..so shouldn’t dravid who had so valiantly apparnely single handedly won test against mighty australia be able to win the series against egland as he was the only one in good form during that series??

      as for ur 8th point why not list the no of finals sachin won for india too…don’t be selective..list all of them…his stats will be more favourable than dravid or ponting…

      • Baba Ji 9 years ago

        I have taken all finals,semi final and KO matches of sachins career from 1996 to 2003. you can cross check with espncricinfo. I am equally critique of dravid.

  2. Serenzy 9 years ago

    Stupid Hater Ranting!

  3. Lolland Dweller 9 years ago

    The article makes many good points, though I am a Sachin fan myself bit.ly/SFGR2b

  4. I.One 9 years ago

    Just a hate piece, nothing more than that.

    Can the author with his limited knowledge could find only couple of knocks which helped India win? And that too with a world famous adjective of a flat track. If it was such a flat track than why others could not score?

    Anyways, as the author is having limited knowledge about Sachin’s match winning knocks, here is an eye-opener for him. Sachin has played 11 match winning knocks in FINALS of series played by India and most of them were not in India. As the author is not a great fan of cricket, he has undermined all these knocks. Not a fan of cricket because he missed that innings in World Cup 2003, where he was hitting Shoib Akhtar over third man for a maximum and made the chase easy with his match-winning 98.

    • Baba Ji 9 years ago

      read the link i gave on sachins performance in finals. you are counting the ones where he played and india won.who will count where he ddint perform?

  5. sputnik 9 years ago

    Hitler reacts to Sachin’s possible retirement

    https://youtube.com/watch?v=Yvk1F9SWxwU

  6. Baba Ji 9 years ago

    so wc final winners dhoni and kohli are saving Indias face. virat kohli 75 in 234 balls!!!
    this is caled test batting at its best
    dhoni 75 off 186 balls. superb stuff.

    in tests making runs is not important as compared to surviving and frustrating bowlers.in odis runs is everything.by hook or by crook.for me test batting is best when batting team frustrates opposition that they beg batsmen to declare.
    i wil be more happy to see sahcin making 45 runs in 300 balls than see him making 75 in 120 balls and getting out in tests.

  7. sputnik 9 years ago

    Breaking News: According to NDTV Sachin Tendulkar announces retirement from one-day cricket

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