My first film- if you may call it so- was so terrible that I think the only person who liked it was Goblin, my dachshund. Incidentally, he passed away after repeated viewings.
My second – the one I am secretly and partially proud of – went unnoticed. Partly because the distributors gave me eleven and a half all-India shows, I had no money to promote it and to add to it, I packed it with Bollywood cliches.
So, actually I don’t have a right to have an opinion. Stop reading now.
For those who have continued, here is the dope. Every time Raju Hirani releases a film, I want to say how much I liked it and what I didn’t. And every time, Bhandarkar releases his next, I want to express how dirty the basin is after continuous throw ups. But the Bollywood law is simple. You have the right to have an opinion only if you are successful.
Hey, wait. The Bollywood, read BullyWood-law is that no one – in absolute terms – has a right to have an opinion. Not critics. Not Twitter handles. Least of all, failed filmmakers.
Don’t comment on the poster. Judge the film on its entirety.
Don’t comment on the teaser. Judge the film on its entirety.
Don’t comment on the trailer. Judge the film on its entirety.
Don’t judge the film. You are being personal.
If you have a personal opinion, tell me personally.
What have you made that you have an opinion?
The only opinion we understand is the one that the ‘common man’ has, the one who spends on the ticket.
Now here are the facts:
You put that poster, teaser and trailer because you wanted an opinion. Correction : You wanted a positive opinion.
Every opinion is personal.
You showed me this film publicly. In a movie theatre with thirty-one people and one usher. I have a right to give you my opinion publicly.
I don’t need to be a Karan Johar to comment on your film. The ‘common man’ is me. I buy six tickets and blow my money and evening on a three-hour film like everyone else. I spend five minutes buffering a one-minute teaser and make an effort of downloading a film poster when I could have spent it more productively downloading porn.
Every critic has a right to comment on your film. Because either you invited him to see it or he has spent his hard earned money to buy the ticket, which invariably makes him your ‘common man’.
Every Twitter handle has a right to comment on your film. Because you inflicted it on them by posting it on Twitter, re-tweeting and spamming the timeline of every man, woman and dog that follows you.
Everyone – successful, unsuccessful, who can or cannot make a film, cast, creed, religion, sex, sexual preference no-bar – has a right to have an opinion. Just the way they have an opinion on the latest book, car, restaurant, cell phone and underwear.
And yes sir, you have a right to have an opinion on my opinion. But you can’t bully me to stop having one. So go out and spend time and make a better film next time.
And I promise you, I will applaud.
PS. And for those who care – and I am sure that it does not include my dead dachshund – I am going out and making my next film. Hopefully a better one than my last two.
And every, man, woman, critic, handle and porcupine will have an opinion on it.
Bring it on. I will be waiting.
Courtesy moifightclubKaran Johar Kushan Nandy Madhur Bhandarkar Raju Hirani